Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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