I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
