do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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