I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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