when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
