I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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