so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
