Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
