Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
