Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
