I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
