My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
