Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Let's get the cat blown out
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
