my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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