I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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