I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We had sex on a dog bed..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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