About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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