K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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