The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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