I just pynch a tree in the face
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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