I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
