I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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