Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
