It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
