GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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