His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
