fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
