When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
