One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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