thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
