I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
