I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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