I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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