Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
