I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
