Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
