i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
