epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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