Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
