she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
