And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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