if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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