She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
