Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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