I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
