I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
