just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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