I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
