i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Swine flu. Run for my life!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
