Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
